Is there a particular “hot button,” an emotional pattern you have, that you know is unreasonable and ineffective, challenges your relationships, makes life difficult, and yet it continues to arise?
Do you ever say, “Oh no, I did it again; I hate when I do that!”?
Do you ever resign yourself to behaviors (patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions) that seem to have become a part of you, even though you don’t like being that way, even when it makes life more difficult?
If so, you’re not alone. It’s our emotional reactions that get in the way of inner peace.
Imagine peacefulness sitting alone meditating on top of a mountain. Well, actually, that would drive some people crazy! Consider for a moment, though, a quality of ease and peace you could have. You might breathe more deeply. Be nurtured, attuned and relaxed being in nature. Ahhhh, life is good.
It’s those people! It’s because of them I lose my inner peace! Those things they say, those things they do!
We start reacting.
I’ve asked people around the world what it is in life that they most value. A quality of peace is a high value for many. This includes ease and freedom, having quality connections with at least a few others. To live so your next step can be a choice.
Which leads to another high value — relationships. There are many kinds: with a spouse or partner – intimate or professional, boss, colleague, co-worker, employee, family or friends. And then there’s the relationship we have with ourselves, and then you might consider your relationship with a higher being, if there is a “god of your understanding.”
Yet, in spite of these values, people everywhere seem to have emotional reactions that get in the way of their relationships.
The reactions show up in many forms. Over- or under-expressed anger. Fearing you’re not enough. Resentful and critiquing people until they abandon you. Sadness. Not standing in your value and wondering why you’re not being heard. Issues around control. Pride. Or authority. Self-worth and deserving your dreams, or not. Anxiety. Ignoring. Judging. Expecting. Disappointment. Resentment. And on it goes.
The question is, “What do you do with those feelings?”
If we value peace and relationships so much, why do we let our emotional reactions get in the way, challenge and even damage or sometimes destroy our inner peace and our relationships?
It’s because most people are who they are, and they think change is difficult.
That’s true for many. And there are reasons that’s true for them. I’ll write about that another time. But it doesn’t have to be true. I discovered this because I desperately needed and wanted this for myself. A way to turn my emotional reactivity around it wasn’t running the show. And I found it!
Before reading on, answer these questions for yourself:
What is your highest value or values?
What’s really good at pushing your buttons?
What gets in the way of your greatest happiness?
And do you experience something that’s like a pinch, that takes it away and you lose it, and then it’s not there for you?
Somatic Focusing can teach you how to make a “state change.” Your “state” is your “energy” state, the accumulation of your thoughts, feelings, physicality, body language and tone of voice, the frequency at which you vibrate. This state determines your actions and reactions.
Emotional intelligence is having the ability to recognize your “inners state.” Recognize it when it feels good and you like it, and recognize when it feels bad and you don’t like. EQ is having the ability to notice when you’re in a state you don’t like, and to shift it easily and at will. For instance, shifting fear to courage. Anger to curiosity. Scattered to focused.
This is a way to stay aligned with your best and highest self at all times, not only when meditating alone on a mountain top; even when you’re challenged.
It creates a resonance inside your body that embodies your answer to the question:
Who is the “me” I want to be, especially when I’m challenged?
Living in this resonance keeps you aligned with your wholeness and integrity where ease, belonging and joy lie. Because, as in the Law of Attraction, embodying your answer to that question, will attract a reflection of the vibration you’re resonating.
An efficient complement to “talk therapy,” this returns us to wholeness, a connection to our true nature, greater joy and more inner peace.